(The following is a copy of the Driver License application and test recently devised by the
California State Department of Motor Vehicles specifically for the County of Los Angeles)


Name:___________________ Stage name: ____________________

Agent:___________________ Attorney:_______________________

Therapist name:_________________

Sex: [ ] male [ ] female [ ] formerly male [ ] formerly female [ ] both

*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
[ ] Yes [ ] No

Please list brand of smart phone: ________.
*If you don't own a smart phone, please explain:________________________

Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Dishwater Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Shaving (male or female)
[x] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[ ] Snorting cocaine
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
[ ] Surfing the net via PDA
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading

Please indicate how many times
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
g) All of the above
h) None of the above
*If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:
a) Less than 1 hour
b) 1 hour
c) 2 hours
d) 3 hours
e) 4 hours or more
* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.


1) If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime.
b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through.
d) Call your therapist.

2) In the event of an earthquake, you should:
a) stop your car.
b) keep driving and hope for the best.
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.

3) In case of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH.
b) drive twice as fast as usual.
c) you're not sure what "rain" is.

4) When stopped by police, you should:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway.
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

5)When turning, you should always signal your intentions by:
a) using your directional signals.
b) what is a "directional signal"?

6)Which part of the car will wear out most often?
a) the wiper blades
b) the belts
c) the horn

7) Automatic door locks are good for:
a) security
b) convenience
c) messing with the heads of people trying to get in

8) The "bright" headlight setting is for:
a) dark, poorly lit roads
b) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
c) revenge!

9)The primary use of the rear view mirror is:
a) watching for approaching cars
b) watching for approaching police cars
c) checking your hair

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This page created as a public (dis)service by
What Your Car Says About You.

Thomas P. Cotrel, Attorney at Law